3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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