Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
