Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
