I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
