rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
