No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
