there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
