I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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