Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
