nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
