is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
