I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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