if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
