Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
