Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
