I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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