I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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