I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
