Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
