She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
