Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
