If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
