I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I am available for nakedness
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
