dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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