Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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