well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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