Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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