wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
