No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
No subtext here. People are naked.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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