Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
