I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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