I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
