he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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