Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
