You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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