if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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