**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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