this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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