But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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