I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
