If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
