I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
