Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
