What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
