I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
