I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
