the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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