Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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