i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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