I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
