nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
