a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
