Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
